New York Times token conservative David Brooks is someone I’ve typically taken as a dry, boring, and utterly conventional thinker, the kind of of GOP pundit a grandfather would read aloud in a print edition to the other guys in the barber shop at 5:00 AM to find something to argue about.
This morning, however, he had me snorting and occasionally laughing with a mockery of how the Republican Presidential candidate is seen by his liberal peers in a column titled The Real Romney.
Here’s a taste:
Mitt Romney was born on March 12, 1947, in Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Virginia and several other swing states. He emerged, hair first, believing in America, and especially its national parks. He was given the name Mitt, after the Roman god of mutual funds, and launched into the world with the lofty expectation that he would someday become the Arrow shirt man.
Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal.
Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land, Brazil. He had several boyhood friends, many of whom owned Nascar franchises, and excelled at school, where his fourth-grade project, “Inspiring Actuaries I Have Known,” was widely admired.
NASCAR is an acronym.